“When I wake up, I’m afraid somebody else might take my place”
I’ve lost some friends. People grow apart naturally and I get that, and it’s nothing you can help, but a lot of the time, I feel like I’m the one who prevented myself from keeping my friends. They’d start talking about where they want to go out that weekend and I’m already trying to come up with excuses.
I’ve changed schools three times throughout the years, and each time I found a new set of friends and lost the ones before. Maybe it’s because I didn’t try hard enough to keep in touch but in the end I’ve just realised that I don’t have a friend who has been there since childhood. I guess that’s not really a big deal but it just scares me that once I graduate, I’m going to lose the friends I have now as well. And the friends I have right now are probably the ones I’ve felt the most comfortable around ever (therapy also helped with that).
It’s a paradoxical situation, I think. I want close friends but I end up pushing them away because the anxiety creeps up on me when I least expect it and when it gets really bad, I can go radio silent on everyone. I’m posting this song today because it makes me think about that. I also really like the music video. He’s completely out of sync with everyone else and that’s often how S.A.D makes me feel.